you traded sex for a burrito?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
