Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
