Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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