Umm I'm too high to move.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize