White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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