there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize