2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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