She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
