i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize