Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
