C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
