I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
