why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
