hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
