I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
