I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
