Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
