Your face is a jimmy john
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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