your parents love me but you hate me
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
