he thought i was a dude.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
