i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
