i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
