I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize