I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
