i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
