she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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