I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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