Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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