You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
