I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
are you so shy because you have an std?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
