My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
