Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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