Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
