you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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