My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
