I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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