u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just invented taco cereal.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
