I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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