Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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