i permit you to call me
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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