Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
