well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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