I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
