I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
