Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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