If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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