a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
