My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
