Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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