I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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