We're like a lot better than the average bears
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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