you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
