Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
