ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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