Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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