At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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