he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
