The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
