dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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