just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
