Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
