Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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