I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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