i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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