I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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