i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
