2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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