i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
