Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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