I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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