Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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