Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
