If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
