I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
