This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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