Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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