you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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