after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
