I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
