This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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