Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
