Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
