Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Success! We fucked roommates!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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