Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
